My fingernails are painted...

Today was a really tough day. Not tough physically, but tough with the feels. Today was my last day at Casa Hogar San Jose. I've mentioned it before; it's the home run by nuns who cook amazing food. It's been the location of some of the hardest work days we've had all summer. It's also the home of some of the sweetest kids I've ever met. It's an all-girls home and each one of them are unspeakably precious. I've gotten to know them, and they've gotten to know me. So today was hard.

Something I've struggled with all summer is how attached to get with these kids. For both them and me, I've been hesitant to get too close. All of these kids have experienced abandonment of some sort, something I can relate to, which has a high chance of impacting their attachment and other areas of development, something I can relate to. The last thing I want to do is be just another person they get close to who then leaves. So I've tried to love on them and be with them while still maintaining a safe distance. Tried. It's been impossible to stay too distant. So today it hurt. I had to say goodbye to all of them for the last time. Remember the whole I'm not a very emotional person thing? Well, it happened again. As we drove out the gates, I couldn't help but start crying, knowing that I wouldn't be coming back. I don't want to leave. Really, give me one good reason to go back home.

So why are my fingernails painted? Because I let the girls paint them on my last day with them.

"The coldest heart can be brought to life when it's thrown into the fire of goodbyes."