Nos Vemos

It's 4am and I'm getting packed up to head back to Michigan. The emotion hasn't quite hit me yet. In a matter of hours, I'll no longer be in Cancún, which isn't really something I'm looking forward to. I don't like using the words, "great experience," because I feel like it cheapens my time here. I've loved it here. And I'm sad to leave. But I know I have a lot to return to. Thanks for following along with my adventures. Dios les bendiga. Hit me up if you'd like to hear more about my trip, cuz as I've said before, there's no way I could ever share all of it in this format.

My fingernails are painted...

Today was a really tough day. Not tough physically, but tough with the feels. Today was my last day at Casa Hogar San Jose. I've mentioned it before; it's the home run by nuns who cook amazing food. It's been the location of some of the hardest work days we've had all summer. It's also the home of some of the sweetest kids I've ever met. It's an all-girls home and each one of them are unspeakably precious. I've gotten to know them, and they've gotten to know me. So today was hard.

Something I've struggled with all summer is how attached to get with these kids. For both them and me, I've been hesitant to get too close. All of these kids have experienced abandonment of some sort, something I can relate to, which has a high chance of impacting their attachment and other areas of development, something I can relate to. The last thing I want to do is be just another person they get close to who then leaves. So I've tried to love on them and be with them while still maintaining a safe distance. Tried. It's been impossible to stay too distant. So today it hurt. I had to say goodbye to all of them for the last time. Remember the whole I'm not a very emotional person thing? Well, it happened again. As we drove out the gates, I couldn't help but start crying, knowing that I wouldn't be coming back. I don't want to leave. Really, give me one good reason to go back home.

So why are my fingernails painted? Because I let the girls paint them on my last day with them.

"The coldest heart can be brought to life when it's thrown into the fire of goodbyes."

The Apex of the Vortex

I assume fewer more than my dear Mada will understand the title of this entry, but the church two weeks ago was called Apex and that was all I could think about all week.

So here I lay in my room watching Slumdog Millionaire. We have no group this week, which has resulted in a bit of a week "off." And by "off" I mean that we've still done stuff everyday, we just haven't had a group to tend to. And so far it has been quite a week. Sunday we traveled by bus to Chichen Itza, which is an enormous Mayan ruin about three hours away. On the way, we stopped at a cenote, which is an underground fresh water spring in a big cave. There was a also a tequila museum with free *hiccup* samples. It was an adventurous day. The ruins were quite impressive. Seeing the architecture and how well it has survived over a millennia makes me reconsider my opinion on the existence of extraterrestrial life. There was also a whole bit about almost getting lost and walking around Cancún in the middle of the night, but let's save that part of the story for later. Monday we took a ferry to Isla Mujeres, an island just off the coast of Cancún. I realized I had not been on a boat in two years, a strange realization. The island has public beaches, shops, snorkeling tours, and is home to a Mexican naval base. A very small portion of the island is populated by tourists, and the discovery I made was that the other side of the island, the side no one goes to, is my favorite spot that I've been to all summer. I also got my first sunburn of the summer. Today we had a staff meeting, then took one of the families that Back2Back works with to a movie and dinner. Now I'm sitting in my room, watching Slumdog Millionaire, writing to you fine folks.

Where dreams come true.

Someone wanna photoshop that lady out?

See, this is the kind of beach that I could spend all day at.

Two weeks ago, we hosted a group from Ohio called Apex. They were the home church of one of our interns and are a bit like Riverview on the Involvement with Back2Back Scale. They send groups to all the Mexico locations. A couple of the people had been on a dozenish trips, even to the site in India. One of the girls left a day early because she was spending a month at the Monterrey site. The jackhammer that we have was purchased by a person from Apex and is affectionately named after her. So this was a week that everyone had been looking forward to all summer, and I quickly discovered why. Every person in the group was hard-working, they never complained, they were generous, inclusive, good sports, ready to be challenged, and just plain old awesome. The entire week was one, big, long highlight reel. One night I stayed up til 1am chatting with one of the group members and one of the interns. And it was one of those conversations where you look at the clock at 10:30 and think, "I should go to bed soon," then look at it again and realize that was two and a half hours ago. One of the work days at San Jose, we got into a wheelbarrow race where we were seeing how many loads we could take in 10 minutes, literally sprinting with whole loads of gravel. After one night's music time, everyone started chanting for an encore. They convinced me to play one of my own songs, and everyone listened attentively, applauded when I finished, and demanded that I have a song ready every night from then on. The second to last day they were here, we had a long day of cement pours. While unloading the trompo (cement mixer) at the first site, I got punched in the face by it (it bounced when it hit the ground and came right back and caught me solid in the nose). I felt/heard a pop/crack and fell backward onto the ground. Several group members immediate came over to ask if I was okay and if I needed help. Honestly, I was more just embarrassed, so I had no idea what to say or do. Finally one of them dragged me over to the van and made me put ice on it and sit out for a while. I had already not been having a very good day and this just made it worse. I sat in the van with the ice on for a little while, then just said screw it and jumped in with the pour. Six hours, two cement pours, and a swollen nose later, turned out to be one of the best days all summer. That night, one of the group members came and asked me a bunch of questions about baptism. I told him it wasn't really my area of expertise, but gave him my thoughts on it and a few scriptures he could reference. The next day he got baptized. The whole week was filled with fun, hard, deep, funny, emotional, challenging, rewarding, amazing times. It was very hard to say goodbye, and I miss them all. I kinda wanna make a trip to visit them. Also, one of the guys gave me his leftover Clif Bars. He's basically my new best friend.

The next week (last week) we had a very different group. That may sound negative, but I certainly don't mean it in a negative way, just that it was very, very different. We had a group of 5 middle/high schoolers, 10ish adults, and one little girl. The middle/high schoolers composed a band, which was the primary attraction of the week for our outings. They played 3 or 4 different gigs, while also doing a couple work projects. At the start of the week, I got kinda sick and was out for about a day and half, so it was hard for me to get going and have my heart in it at the beginning. But that changed with the first evening music set. This group sang the loudest and outwardly joined in worship the most passionately of any group all summer. I even had trouble hearing myself over the sound system. As the person behind the mic, in a setting such as that, that is a big encouragement, to not be the only person singing. The big event of the week was an outdoor concert in Bonfil, a neighborhood/town right next to Cancún. They'd been planning it all summer and hung signs all over the streets promoting it. It was intended to be part worship concert, part community event, part promotion of the ministry that we work with, part whatever God wanted to make it into. Now, I would not describe myself as a particularly emotional person. And when I am emotional, I like to do it when no one else is around. But during their sound check, I had a moment, right there in the big old wide open. They did their stage check with the song Promises by Desperation Band. As soon as they started playing it, I was overtaken with emotion and just started bawling. The cause of the emotion was two-fold: First, it took me straight back to playing with my youth group band when I was in high school. That song came out back then and we would play it sometimes. Nights playing with that band were pretty much the greatest moments of my high school years. Particularly because of some really tough times I had during those years, playing in the youth band was where I felt comfortable, where I felt I belonged, where I felt at home. When I felt like nothing made sense, like I had nowhere to go, playing in the band allowed me small times of peace. I was enormously blessed to be a part of that group of kids. I learned so much, got to do so many cool things, and it was really the springboard for so many other things I've had the opportunity of doing in my life, including sitting here in Cancún right now. The acknowledgement of that blessing overwhelmed me. The second part of that moment was seeing where those kids are now and the amazing potential for them to have experiences just like the ones I have had through this gift that they've been given. They already got to go to Cancún for a week and play concerts for hundreds of Mexicans, just wait to see what other experiences they'll have if they keep following God with what they've got. So that was fun. The rest of the week was great, too. They had some fun people in the group, they worked super hard at a concrete pour, and they left a big box of Clif Bars for me. That's the way into my heart right there.

So that's a brief rundown of the past two and a half weeks or so. There's been so much in this trip that I can't even scratch the surface here. I'd love to talk more about it when I get home if you're interested in hearing it.

On an unrelated note, I've now seen Epic, Man of Steel, Despicable Me 2, and Pacific Rim. Was not expecting to have a big move-going summer, but have probably seen more movies here than I would have had I been at home.

That and I found this in my room the other night: 

Sweet dreams.

Shoutouts

I'd like to take a moment to make some shoutouts to some people.

1) Shoutout to all of my supporters who made it possible for me to go on this trip this summer. I hadn't had to raise support in a long time, and would say I'm not very good at it. But I have some awesome friends who decided they would come alongside me and help get me here. Which is super cool.

2) Shoutout to Intern Alex in Mazatlan who took a big step out of his comfort zone to serve with Back2Back for the summer.

3) Shoutout to each group member who went on a Back2Back trip at any of their locations this summer. It takes some amount of sacrifice, whether it be time, money, comfort, sleep, from each person to come on a trip. Kudos to you all.

4) Shoutout to the staff down here who work 14 hour days with inspiring enthusiasm and leadership.

5) Shoutout to my sister, who's going to Honduras by herself for a month to work with a church or something.

6) Shoutout to the 20ish of you who give a crap about what I'm doing down here this summer and listen to my ramblings on here. 'preciate it.

Sorry I didn't get around to doing the tour of the house. We've got a "week off" this week, so I'll try to get that done at some point. Also will try to give you a review of these past two weeks, both of which were fantastic.

A Look Back

Alright, remember how I said I was going to do a month in review post? This is it. And it's a doozy. It's long and it's not very well written. But it's there.


This past month has been awesome. I said before that I can hardly believe it's already been a month and everything from here on out is going to be on a downward slope toward the end. By that I mean, I'm sure it's going to go by really quickly, and I don't want it to. Anyways, in the spirit of it being a look back, I'm going to give some highlights and lowlights of the month, as well as a list of things that I've learned or am in the process of learning. I anticipate some of it being funny, some of it being serious, but all of it being true.

Highlights:
- WEEK TWO. The entire second week of the summer, which was spent with Horizon Church's college-aged group, was a highlight. Every person in the group was awesome to hang out with and work alongside. Everybody in the group was coming on the trip from very different situations with regard to their faith, many of them wouldn't even consider themselves Christians. It was amazing to see how God impacted each of their lives through their time here and how they grew and learned so much in such a short amount of time. The week was life-changing for many of them and I really hope they are able to hold on to what they learned and keep it going. I genuinely miss them all.
- FOOD. We have had some pretty spectacular food this summer. The nuns at Casa Hogar San Jose make some of the best Mexican food you will ever have. The woman who caters for the groups a couple nights per week is an angel, straight up. And believe it or not, the best thing I've had this summer was actually at an Italian restaurant that is owned by the father of one of Back2Back's volunteers.
- "QUIET" TIME. I put it in quotes cuz a lot of my time with God hasn't been quiet. I've had some really awesome time with God this summer, listening to him speak to me through time spent in scripture, songs that pop up on iTunes, moments at the beach or at the ministry sights, even random moments throughout the day when I wouldn't have expected anything, God's been pointing over at something and just being all like, "Okay, this, this right here, this is what you're supposed to learn right now."
- STAFF AND PEOPLE. The Back2Back staff and interns, our bus drivers, the people from the groups; it's been awesome spending the summer with each of them. The staff here in Cancún (and every Back2Back staff person I've ever met) are just plain old freaking awesome. As compared to when I was in Monterrey, I do feel like I've had a chance to get to know a lot of the staff better, just because of the much smaller group sizes and campus. I'm always excited when they get there in the morning and love whenever I get the chance to hang out with any of them. The interns have been awesome as well. It was sad to see the June intern leave, but it's been great having our new intern for July joining us. And the people from the groups have been super cool. There are people that after a week, I feel like I've known for years. It's been great to be able to share the experience with all of them.

Lowlights:
- MAZATLAN/RIVERVIEW. Not being in Mazatlan where Riv is has been a little hard. Before I was invited to Cancún, I had been planning on a week trip to Mazatlan this summer. This week is the week of that trip, and I wish I could be alongside them. I think it's cool that our influence is spread out a little bit and we've got such a good relationship with Back2Back that we've got our hands all over, but there's still something about missing out on sharing the experience with people from back home. That and my bff is an intern there and I miss him ever so much. Don't get me wrong, I love it here, but it would be cool to be there with them.
- GOODBYES. I've had to say an awful lot more sad goodbyes this year. Having smaller groups allows me to get to know people a lot better, but makes me feel it a lot more when those people leave at the end of the week. I don't know how the fulltime staff people do it.
- THE FALL. I could put this as a highlight as well, because I've been getting really excited about the big move I have coming up when I get back, but it's also been a burden throughout the summer, having to buy books, figure out financial aid, continue to apply for jobs and assistantships, etc. It's weighed on me a bit because at the moment I have yet to figure out how I'm going to pay for grad school in the fall, and continue to be unemployed. So if you're looking for something to be praying for me about, there's one for ya.
- BUG BITES. They're big. They're everywhere. They've created a constellation on my legs and feet.

What I've learned:
- DON'T WRITE PEOPLE OFF. There have been several people in groups that when they first walked through the door, during that initial assessment, I wrote off as someone who's gonna have a hard heart, who's going to be hard to deal with, who's going to take themselves too seriously, who's going to bring everyone down, only to discover that they were the person I connected with most during the week and ended up learning more than I would have ever thought possible. Granted, some of the initial assessments panned out as accurate, and such judgements are a natural human instinct, but I've learned not to let that instinct limit my perception of what God is going to be able to do with that person.
- SATAN IS A DOUCHE. It's become abundantly clear to me that Satan is a complete jerk. We just finish a particularly emotional worship set and I'm feeling a little extra vulnerable and BAM, someone says something in just the right way that makes me feel like a worthless piece of trash. It's happened my whole life, but I finally just now have identified the pattern. Doesn't make it any more fun to deal with, but I've definitely begun to see the connection.
- FORGIVENESS. This has been a big theme in what God's been teaching me this summer. A lot of what has stuck out to me in scripture or songs or thoughts I've had or situations I've reasoned through has come back to grace and forgiveness. I've figured out that God is glorified more through any opportunity of mine to reflect some portion of his character, namely his grace and forgiveness, than through any of my attempts to just show off how much I've accomplished despite my situation. I've figured that out, still working on applying it to my life, but it was a big revelation for me.
- MOSQUITOS, like satan, ARE DOUCHES. Mosquitos are little flecks of Satan that peel off of him and fly into the world to suck out your soul/blood.

What I love about Cancun:
- Geckos, the Mundo Maya drivers, Pizza Renaldi, the Back2Back staff, Chiquis, rain, Playa Delfines, the Mirage Titanium 5 air conditioner in my bedroom

What I've missed about home:
- Friends, family, working out, fast internet, cooking for myself, not sweating, my phone, Riverview, beer, Big Bang Theory, Ryan Freitus, not being covered in bug bites, Clif Bars

What I'm looking forward to for the coming month:
- Everything. It's been such a ride so far, I'm looking forward to seeing what God has in store for the remainder of my time here. Also, in week 7 we have no group, so we're going to be doing some cool stuff with that time. Right now, one of the things we're planning on doing is a day trip to Chichen Itaza, a Mayan ruin that is listed as a World Wonder. Pretty pumped for that.

Ways you can pray for me:
- I'm still looking for a job in Pittsburgh for when I get back. I didn't get any assistantships and so far my financial aid is not covering everything, so I still need to figure all of that out.
- Continued health, as I have not been sick thus far and would like for that to continue.
- Endurance, especially with the constant stream of people. I love meeting new people, and have met some awesome ones, but I get overwhelmed pretty easily with a not very big house full of people running all over. Also, leading music every night gets pretty exhausting emotionally, so prayer that it stays real and genuine.
- My friend who is an intern in Mazatlan this summer is also still looking for a job for the fall, so prayer for that.

Thanks a lot for your support, for your prayers, for reading along just to keep up with what I'm doing down here. It's been awesome and I've still got a month left. Loads of love and thanks.

Now listen to this song:

Following the footsteps of heroes

never led to the safe and grey roads.

Hello friends, family, random acquaintances, it is I! The Great Ben of Mast. I am here to bring forth a tremendous proclamation of memory, of life, of love, of Mexico!

So I know it's been a while since I last wrote. I'm sure you've all (20ish of you) missed my text-based ramblings tremendously. Rest assured, the rumors of my assimilation have been greatly exaggerated. Not only am I still alive and Mexican, I also have not become a part of the Borg.

After four weeks of groups, I've officially crossed the halfway point of my time here. It certainly does not feel that way. The individual weeks feel long as they're happening, but once we reach Friday, it's always hard to believe that it's already time to say goodbye to that week's group. Life is busy, but it's great.

I have a couple thoughts that I'd like to address right now as I'm reflecting on the past month and looking ahead to the next:

I've been a little harsh on tourists in some of things I've said. I wanted to apologize/not apologize/clarify/rant a little more about some of that stuff. I don't mean to say that traveling to somewhere like Cancún just for a nice vacation is inherently a bad thing. There are beautiful beaches, fun activities, nearby cultural icons, and lots of places to just have a good time, relax, and experience things you don't really have a chance to experience back in the states. If you're into any of that and have the resources, I'm not condemning using them in that way. I do however want people to be conscious of what they could be supporting and be wary of the way they dump and fritter their money away. The nightlife in areas of the hotel district is straight up gross. We drove through the strip of clubs (which yes, also contained strip clubs) near all the hotels the other night and it was... ugly. Sex trafficking and sex tourism is a large business in Cancún, as it is in many areas all over the world. In fact, well, wait, hold on. I need to set the stage a little. Back2Back Cancún looks a little different than other Back2Back locations. They only partner with two actual casa hogares (the orphanages/children's homes), which is the focus of most of their other locations. Here they spend a lot of their efforts, resources, partnerships on community outreaches, specific widowed families, and neighborhood ministries. One of the reasons for this being that when they came to Cancún, they found relatively few casa hogares in the city. Getting back to the "in fact" that interrupted what I was saying back up there ^ ^, they discovered the reason for this to be that at a certain point in the past, it was discovered that there was a casa hogar that was selling the kids that came into the home. Because of this, many casa hogares were closed down. So the modern-day slave trade has a home in Cancún. The tourism industry does a lot of good for the city, but also a lot of bad. During the tourism peaks, the hotel zone generates a host of jobs for locals, but during the down-times, hotels lay off piles of people, leaving them unemployed and without income. The work in the hotel zone can also be a trap for a destructive lifestyle. One of the Back2Back staff members used to work in the hotel zone, DJing at popular clubs. He made a good amount of money, but got stuck in the lifestyle of drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping around in a materialist mindset. (Which, granted, to a lot of people might sound like the life. But if you're someone who thinks so, we might have some other things to talk about.) So even for locals who are in employment in the hotel zone of their own accord and making it successfully, it can be an ugly place.

So getting back to the whole tourism thing. If you want to go have a relaxing vacation on the beach, I'm not condemning you for going to Cancún. I mean a lot of what I said about this city can be said about cities all over the world, even plenty of places in the U.S. And I visited a hotel the other night. It was beautiful. Super cool. Like something out of a movie. If that's what you're interested in, that's awesome, have a good time. Just know there's another side to Cancún, which we like to refer to as #therealcancun, that is out there. And if you're ever interested in doing something about it, groups and organizations like Back2Back are here to help you out.

So anyway, hopefully that's the end of my tourism rants.

As for me, I'm still learning lots. About me, about God, about others, about the world. I won't spill it all out here; this isn't the place for a lot of it. But if you want to hear more, we can talk when I get home. Or you can send me an email, Facebook me, even Skype. It's amazing what we can do with computers nowadays. I really want to the thank the people that have taken the time to ask how my trip has been, how I'm doing, offered any little encouragement. I'm having a great time, and wouldn't say I'm homesick, but it's still a little tough at times to know I'm missing out on things going on back home and appreciate any indication that I'm being missed as well. I miss you all and can't wait to see you when I get back.

Oh also, look out for a tour of the Back2Back house coming up in the next week.

The cat got wet.

So just a quick little post tonight.

Today I swam for the first time in like 6 years. It was fun. But now I can't hear anything...

A few people have been feeling sick lately, so as a precaution, we're going with our filtered water for brushing teeth. I was also given a pill to kill any parasites I may or may not have gotten. Just as a precaution. Creepy.

That's all.



BTW, listen to this song. it's really good.